I run with a circle of friends who are divorced and dating. A few times now, two of us have ended up liking the same person. What are the rules for handling this kind of situation? —Beth in Boca
Beth, doesn’t this happen all the time? I think it’s actually more prevalent with men wanting the same woman. Part of the desire is driven by competition. I once had three men in the same circle make it clear to me (and each other) that they all would like to go out with me. I thought they were going to fight gladiator-style to determine the winner! In the end, they all backed off and let me reach a conclusion as to where my interest, if any, was. I would suggest the same for you. Like-minded divorced friends understand your situation more than anyone else; you do not want to lose a friend over this. Make your intentions clear to both your friend and they guy you like. Ultimately, he will gravitate toward one of you if there is chemistry. Whatever happens, do not go the secretive route. You will give him the perfect opportunity to play both of you. For a man, there is nothing more tantalizing that sleeping with two friends and neither of them is the wiser. Don’t let this happen to you.
Angela, I really love your blog. You should write a book someday! I have a question [based on “The Naked Truth Vol 8]. I’m desperate to find out whether an acquaintance of mine is interested in me; I don’t want to make a fool of myself. So how do I go about “seedplanting?” —Sinful Cindy
Cindy, “seedplanting” is tricky. You want to extract information on how he feels without revealing your hand. Not easy. Here’s how we are going to pull this off with no embarrassment to you. Suggest lunch. It’s a great starting place for a crush. Innocent enough for you to completely deny any feelings should he not reciprocate or it can be the right opportunity for you to make intentions clear. If lunch is going well and you feel the vibe back from him, take a leap of faith. Put down your fork, look across the table (I always tilt my head to the right when I’m going in for the kill), look him directly in the eyes and say, “We should really go for drinks sometime.” It’s a very sexy and powerful move without ever showing weakness and revealing anything more than interest. This move communicates your desire to see more of him, but you were able to do so with limited conversations and more importantly, without getting emotional. If he responds favorable to your suggestion of drinks, rock on. If not, just say “next.” P.S. Thank you for loving my blog!
The story about the dude [“The Naked Truth Vol. 7] who said you’re “too out there” for him because [you write about your dates] got me thinking: How would you feel if some guy wrote about his sex life with you? —The Undertaker
OK, Undertaker, your name suggests I might be digging myself a grave here if I answer this incorrectly. ... In my blog you will see that I don’t write about sex per se, but rather relationships. These are relationships with lovers, friends, my ex-husband, my son, or even random people I meet. In my opinion, relationships are incredibly more intimate than the act of sex alone. What goes on between two people in the confines of their bedroom isn’t of great interest to me; the effect of that paring and how it fuels human interactions afterward is what I find fascinating. That is what I write about. Names are not given, and everyone that has made it into my blog does so with the knowledge that conversations with me are subject to creative license. Now, to answer your question, I would only hope that in the two very short sentences that made up material on my sex life, the author would be complimentary of my ass. As long as he announced to the world my derriere was holding up just fine for its age, I’d be copasetic with the rest.
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About Angela Lutin
Angela Lutin has won the adoration and loyalty of her riders at Flywheel Sports in Boca, where she has emerged as the most sought-after indoor cycling instructor in South Florida. In her spare time, the divorced single mom has launched a popular dating blog—essentiallyangela.com—on which she dispenses musings on life, navigating the singles scene and much more. Angela will answer your dating questions every Thursday at bocamag.com on her “The Naked Truth” blog, which she is doing exclusively for Boca Raton magazine. “A chef is the expert on food, a stylist knows the right clothes,” she says. “And me? I’m the one you come to for questions about love, sex, and relationships. I’m certainly experimenting to find the right formula every day.”