Angela, what are your dating New Year’s resolutions? --Curious
Curious, beginnings, such as a new year, are a great time to assess patterns and lifestyle. To see what has been working for us, and self-correct the things that have not. This past year, I focused primarily on my career and parenting. While those will still be prominent themes in my life for 2013, it’s fair time romance got a little attention!
Here are 5 resolutions I’ve made for the New Year:
- Just say yes. I’m committing to give a chance to someone who isn’t what I would traditionally deem my “type.”
- Swing the Bat. I advise my dating coaching clients that they can’t hit the home run if they don’t swing the bat, but truthfully I didn’t make it into the batter’s box too often myself. I’d like to change that in 2013.
- Break traditional rules of engagement. I’ve let the man engage me in the past. This year, if I’m interested in someone, I won’t let a good opportunity pass because he didn’t pursue me. I’m willing to make the first (subtle) move.
- Make time. Too often in 2012 I heard myself saying “I can’t” or “I’m too busy” falling back on the same old excuses of work and busy single mom. My son is now a teen and self-sufficient and my career is in a good place…no more excuses.
- Open to Possibility. I will not discount any opportunity as too difficult or unrealistic. I will let life unfold as it should without trying to write the story in advance.
What are some dating “red flags” you believe are a girl or guy’s cue to run!! --Jennifer
The biggest red flag of all, Jennifer, is our own gut instinct we have about someone. Time and again, we can look back on failed relationships of dating disasters and see that we saw the warning signs from the beginning but chose not to act on them.
Jealousy, neediness, and substance abuse are the trifecta of relationship hell. If any of those signs present, lace up your sneakers and, “Run, Forrest, run!!”
Because of my demanding career, gym time, work conferences, studying for my master’s and a hint of a social life with my girlfriends, I barely have time to breathe, let alone meet a nice guy for dinner. Is it possible to work your ass off and still find time to date? --Lucy
Lucy, I’m tackling that question myself as well. There will never be a shortage of “urgent” issues that keep us from dating. The truth of the matter is, people like you and I move mountains in every area of our life, but when it comes to romance, we do nothing but procrastinate. Do some sincere soul searching and ask yourself the following question: Do I want a relationship at this moment in my life?
If the answer is no, then continue your routine, but don’t complain about being single. If the answer is yes, it’s time to do some housecleaning to make room for love.
We will never “find” the time. There must be deliberate effort to make the time available. (See my Resolutions for 2013 above.)
Do you have a question for Angela? E-mail NakedTruth@bocamag.com!
About Angela Lutin:
Angela Lutin is Essentially Angela. Blogger, Advice Columnist and Dating Guru for the social media age—decoding modern love one tweet, text, and like at a time. Angela’s weekly dating advice column, The Naked Truth, appears exclusively in Boca Raton Magazine. Her work appears regularly on the Huffington Post, and she has been a guest contributor to Shape Magazine, GalTime.com, Think Magazine, Blindfold Magazine, and more. She can been seen on MTV’s Made and Bravo’s hit show, Millionaire Matchmaker in early 2013. Crafting personal dating makeovers for her clients, Angela also maintains a private practice, which turns the romantically challenged into the relationship-inclined. Follow Angela on Facebook, facebook.com/EssentiallyAngela or Twitter, @essentiallyang.