Angela, I found out last week that my boyfriend has been cheating on me with (at least) two married women. I say that like I’m ordering lunch or something, but I am so horribly devastated and depressed that I am barely keeping myself together. I am so heartbroken. I thought our relationship was perfect, and instead it was an overwhelming web of lies. I didn’t know better, but it was the happiest time in my life. I know I am wise to be away from him, but I am so worried for my future. How will I ever trust someone again? Will I ever be able to be that happy again? --CM
CM, I’m sorry for your heartache. Breakups are gut wrenching, but when they come unexpectedly and are attached to such betrayal as yours was, the natural inclination is to crawl in a ball and find a nice dark corner to rock back and forth in.
It’s going to suck…for a good long while. There is no magic formula or steps you can take to make the pain go away any faster. In fact, the only thing that cures this kind of devastation is time.
Trust will be tricky for you in the future and that’s not a terrible thing. Women can be too trusting in our relationships. There WILL be someone else, and you WILL be happy again.
Don’t focus on anything else right now except being good to yourself. As you go through the grieving process (and you are grieving) this is a time to look inward and gain some insight about who you are and what you want out of life and a relationship.
I know it does not feel like it now, but you will find your way out of this sadness and be better for it. Sometimes good things have to fall apart so better things can fall together.
Better things will fall together for you.
Angela, my younger sister does not date. She’s 30 years old and dated a little bit in high school, maybe her first year of college, and then seemed to swear off all romance. She’s beautiful, vivacious and brilliant. I don’t think she’s gay, but I don’t know how to bring it up. I talk about my relationships trying to inspire her to open up, but she never does. Help!! --Related
Related, your sister doesn’t need your dating advice. In fact, she’s doing just fine. Her reasons for not dating could be endless, but one thing is for certain- she’s not concerned enough about it to ask for your help.
I know your heart is in the right place, but understand that not everyone wants the same life. This is a particularly hard pill to swallow when that person is a sibling or close friend. What makes you happy may not do it for your sister. Let her continue to be the amazing woman you describe. She can be that with or without a relationship.
Do you have a question for Angela? E-mail NakedTruth@bocamag.com!
About Angela Lutin:
Angela Lutin is Essentially Angela. Blogger, Advice Columnist and Dating Guru for the social media age—decoding modern love one tweet, text, and like at a time. Angela’s weekly dating advice column, The Naked Truth, appears exclusively in Boca Raton Magazine. Her work appears regularly on the Huffington Post, and she has been a guest contributor to Shape Magazine, GalTime.com, Think Magazine, Blindfold Magazine, and more. She can been seen on MTV’s Made and Bravo’s hit show, Millionaire Matchmaker in early 2013. Crafting personal dating makeovers for her clients, Angela also maintains a private practice, which turns the romantically challenged into the relationship-inclined. Follow Angela on Facebook, facebook.com/EssentiallyAngela or Twitter, @essentiallyang.