Angela: I have recently started dating this guy who just ended his marriage within the past year. Things are still fun, but I am worried he has no plans on getting serious. Do you think there is no chance on him settling down with me?—Ready for Commitment
Whoa! Talk about putting the cart before the horse. Settle down, lady! Your new guy “just ended his marriage.” Do you know what guys who “just ended their marriage” do not think about? Marriage. Commitment. Settling down or any version of what they just detached themselves from legally.
He’s coming up for air right now after holding his breath underwater for a long time. Let. Him. Breathe. If you are having fun, what’s the rush? If the timeline is for biological reasons, then dating recently divorced men is a surefire way to find yourself 40 and childless.
Here’s my advice on your desire to “get serious,” which I am assuming means a committed relationship. Give him four months of casual dating. If he has not brought up exclusivity at that point, you can bring it up and let him know if he does not desire a committed relationship, you are moving on. But, don’t start ring shopping anytime soon. If you want fun, guys coming off divorce are definitely the life of the party. If you want love + marriage followed up by the patter of little feet, find yourself someone else. Now.
I find myself having feelings for my close guy friend. How do I take it to the next level without ruining our friendship?—Name withheld
Dear Harry Met Sally: Do you want to be his friend or his girlfriend? Decide now. Sure, people in relationships are still friends. In fact, most times your partner is your best friend, but you have to decide if you are ready to risk the known (friendship) for the unknown (relationship).
The down side is he may not feel the same way that you do, the friendship would get weird, and you drift apart. The upside is he may actually feel the same way that you do, and your friend will become your boyfriend.
But you won’t know until you go there now will you? Rather than advise you to approach him with some heavy conversation about how you’ve loved him from afar blah, blah, blah, I think you should try a different tactic. Men respond to actions, not words. Words overwhelm them. So the next time the situation permits, give him the green light to kiss you. If he doesn’t make the move, well you’ll just have to kiss him, won’t you?
I’m not one for playing it safe.If you don’t try, then you’ll never know. And, my friend, not knowing might possibly be the worst fate we can grant ourselves in love.
Do you have a question for Angela? E-mail NakedTruth@bocamag.com!
About Angela Lutin:
Angela Lutin is Essentially Angela. Blogger, Advice Columnist and Dating Guru for the social media age—decoding modern love one tweet, text, and like at a time. Angela’s dating advice column, "The Naked Truth," appears exclusively each week on bocamag.com and in each issue of Boca Ratonmagazine. Her work appears regularly on the Huffington Post. She can been seen on MTV’s "Made" and Bravo’s hit show, "Millionaire Matchmaker." Crafting personal dating makeovers for her clients, Angela also maintains a private practice, which turns the romantically challenged into the relationship-inclined. Follow Angela on Facebook or Twitter.