Angela, My friend started dating her doctor. He’s not her OBGYN, but still, I find that wildly creepy. How would you handle it if your doctor or dentist starting hitting on you? On the flip side, you provide a service as well as a Flywheel spin instructor. Would you ever consider asking out a client? -- Nicole
Nicole, while I was never under their care, I’ve dated a few doctors. Unfortunately all but the most recent didn’t find it as funny as I did when I asked if we could play doctor at home. (Clearly a sense of humor is not a prerequisite for graduating medical school.)
Is it creepy? Everyone’s creepy meter is different. It’s certainly not ethical on the doctor’s part, but let’s be real. Unethical happens in every profession. I personally don’t want the guy I’m dating to have access to my permanent file. That nonspecific itching you had back in 1995? Well, it’s still logged in your medical records. I don’t know about you, but I prefer to keep all my secrets under wrap until I’m forced to admit them under oath. Dating my doctor doesn’t appeal to me. Plus, he wears Crocs, and that really doesn’t do it for me. But scrubs and the stethoscope are a completely different story. I digress ...
Now, to address my own dating ethics: I’ve flirted, and I would be open to the idea, but I don’t ask men out. Men need to initiate the chase, and if they don’t pursue me, it doesn’t happen. However, riders rarely ask me out (rarely = once). After having me in their face for an hour, pushing them until they think their heart might explode, I suspect they prefer to limit time with me to spandex, not stilettos.
My job places me in circles with women of a certain wealth and social status. But I can’t hang with that crowd financially. The problem is that I’m attracted to some of these women, and a few have made it clear that they’re attracted to me. How do I play this without racking up major credit card debt after three dates? -- Middle Class Mike
Mike, there’s no need to break your budget trying to be something you aren’t. It’s a façade you won’t be able to maintain long-term. These are women that have expensive luxuries at their disposal. Why not show them something real and different for a change? One of the greatest assets we have in South Florida is the beach. Do a late-afternoon/evening beach date and bring along wine. Even the most sophisticated of women like to go bowling, and I’m a huge fan of the shooting range. Yes, guns. It’s sexy, and she’s probably never been there on a date before. Drive-in movie? We have two here locally. You can get inexpensive tickets to a Marlins game as well. The list of creative and budget friendly dates are endless.
Your strategy is going to be refreshing and a fun change from the norm. Women love creativity. Just be yourself and let it flow. If she likes you, she’ll be happy spending time with you no matter if you are at a dive bar or a black tie event.
P.S. Every woman loves a good dive.
I don’t know if you’ve seen the show “Girls” on HBO, but it’s awesome. The main character is dating this gross self-involved dude that treats her like crap. So here’s the million-dollar question, Angela: Why do women fall for douchebags? -- Albert Einstein
AE, Because douchebags are aloof, not very nice to us, and could care less about our feelings, which is exactly what draws us like an obedient little moth to their crappy half-lit flame. Every woman out there has fallen hard for this kind of guy. Often times we are more susceptible to empty relationships when our self-confidence is waning. When we are secure and feeling good, we tell guys like this to take a hike. Gain five pounds, have turmoil at work, or a fight with a friend, and we let jerks in our bed AND make him coffee after he kept us up all night with his snoring. (This is, of course, if he mistakenly fell asleep before he could bolt on us.)
I’ve certainly had my share of dating disasters, but I’ve learned that when I’m not 100 percent emotionally and physically prepared to demand to be treated respectfully, I step away from the game. Taking a self-assessment before getting into an unhealthy relationship is one of the best things we can do.
Chasing assholes gets old. Eventually we all figure this out for ourselves.
Have a question for our dating guru? Share your dating woes with Angela at email@example.com.
About Angela Lutin
Angela Lutin has won the adoration and loyalty of her riders at Flywheel Sports in Boca, where she has emerged as the most sought-after indoor cycling instructor in South Florida. In her spare time, the divorced single mom has launched a popular dating blog—essentiallyangela.com—on which she dispenses musings on life, navigating the singles scene and much more. Angela will answer your dating questions every Thursday at bocamag.com on her “The Naked Truth” blog, which she is doing exclusively for Boca Raton magazine.