Hey mama! After watching the preview for next week's "Millionaire Matchmaker" (of course after watching YOUR episode), I realized I'm not the only one who doesn't want to be kissed on the first date. So I'm not alone on this...whew! Is there a necessity to smooch when you've just met the person for the first time and maybe known them 2 hours tops?
Why do guys have to "go for it" on the first date? It would be great for you to give them guidelines for making that move. I never give out body language that I want to be kissed, but they do it anyways and it's a turnoff. Kissing is so intimate and can't be forced as far as I'm concerned. --NoFirstBaseOnFirstDate
Dear Pretty Woman,
Think about your last great kiss. You couldn’t wait to kiss each other, and I’m sure you did as soon as the opportunity arose. I don’t buy the “I’m old-fashioned and need to get to know you first” excuse. It takes five minutes or less to know if there’s chemistry with someone, so if you’re still ambivalent about the guy at the end of the first date, don’t kiss him. But don’t accept a second date either. Why? This is about romance, PW. If your interest level is so iffy that your body is not passionately reacting to him, why waste his time or yours?
A kiss is special. So special, in fact, that it should be reserved for someone that you truly have interest in getting to know better. If it turns you off when this guy you’ve just spent the last few hours getting to know goes in for the kiss, then guess what? THIS is going nowhere...fast or slow.
If you’re going out with man after man that you don’t have any interest in kissing at the end of your first date, you need to reassess with whom you are accepting dates. Stop with the mediocrity. Find the guy that makes your pulse quicken. I guarantee you’ll kiss that guy at the end of the night.
Angela, Love your blog.
I just recently went through an amicable divorce in June 2012 (15 years married/+ 8 years of dating), and my ex and I remain/ed the best of friends. A few months later, he told me that he was dating someone (hereinafter "GF") that he had met online. I was elated that he was dating.
This month he had a business trip and as usual asked if I could take care of the cats and, as always, I said I would. Upon arriving at the home, I did notice a fair amount of women's clothing and personal hygiene items, which I won't lie...I was a bit jealous in seeing them where of course my stuff had been for so many years! I snooped a bit further I came across an email where the "GF" stated that it was difficult for her to stay or move in to what she now was calling "our home" (meaning her's and my ex's) because the decorations/furniture reminded her of us (ex & I) and that, that part of his life was over. Of course that infuriated me because I did all the decorating/furnishing in the house. Of course her closing ended with "Love you, your wife."
Needless to say I called him and went crazy on him (not letting him know I was privy to that email). Needless to say we have not spoken since.
Here is where you come in...is it normal for me to be acting this way? I don't regret the divorce (it was my doing) and do believe it was the best thing for us. I am happy being only his friend and not his mate. But why does this bother me so much and why do I care? Any advice would be appreciated. --Confused
The gig is up.
He’s not yours anymore nor do you have control of who he dates, who moves in, or whether or not she calls herself his wife. Your anger has nothing to do with concern for him and everything to do with trying to maintain control. Your letter reads like a child that gives up her toy but throws a tantrum when someone else picks it up. You can’t leave him and have him at the same time, Confused!
If you really care for him as you say you do, stay out of his life and his business. The cats will be fed and life will get sorted out without your intervention. But that’s what this is really about, right? You are going through anger, jealousy and mourning over the fact that he has moved on without you...and that my friend, IS completely normal. (Going through his private emails, however, is not.) Even if we are the ones to leave it always stings when they eventually get over us. It’s our ego.
I empathize with you because I’ve been you. Dominate personalities, male or female, don’t like to give up control. You’re struggling with this because you can’t predict the outcome, not because you wish it were you as the “wifey” again.
All this energy you are spending focused on your ex-husband’s life is better served by directing it towards your life.
Let him go...it will be only then that you can truly move on.
Do you have a question for Angela? E-mail NakedTruth@bocamag.com!
About Angela Lutin:
Angela Lutin is Essentially Angela. Blogger, Advice Columnist and Dating Guru for the social media age—decoding modern love one tweet, text, and like at a time. Angela’s weekly dating advice column, The Naked Truth, appears exclusively in Boca Raton magazine. Her work appears regularly on the Huffington Post. She can been seen on MTV’s "Made" and Bravo’s hit show, "Millionaire Matchmaker." Crafting personal dating makeovers for her clients, Angela also maintains a private practice, which turns the romantically challenged into the relationship-inclined. Follow Angela on Facebook, facebook.com/EssentiallyAngela or Twitter, @essentiallyang.