Angela, I do not agree with you about your advice to Pretty Woman last week! I never kiss anyone on a first date but that doesn't mean I'm not attracted to them. I just like to be completely sure someone is worth my lips and I believe that takes a date or two. My last beau waited three weeks to kiss me and we were happily together for two years. You may feel a spark, but that doesn't mean you have to pucker up on the first date. --No Loose Lips
No Loose Lips, I appreciate your candor and your strong personal belief that a man should hold out for your kiss. If your stance is that you don’t kiss until two dates or two weeks, I’m certainly not saying you must change your position.
But here is what I will say. Most men aren’t going to stick around while you decide whether or not you want to give him an indication of your attraction level. I’m sure you’re a fascinating conversationalist and your dates have a lovely time with you, but men are simple. They don’t want calculated algorithms to determine if we are showing interest. They react to our responses. So if your body language doesn’t appear that your are into them, guess what? The majority of men will not bother to continue chasing you.
No, you don’t have to pucker up on the first date, and sometimes even when there is chemistry, he won’t initiate. (Always let him initiate the first kiss.) But if there is chemistry, and he does lean in for the kiss, my advice last week is the same as it is today- if you play coy for the sake of being coy, more likely than not, he will lose interest.
I stand by my original answer: Women know by the end of the first date if we are attracted enough to kiss him. If you aren’t, don’t waste his time and yours by going on a second date.
I'm single, but my best friend just filed for divorce from her husband of three years. We are both crushed, and I'm not sure what advice I can say other than, "You will love again." I love your blogs and appreciate your advice in advance. What can I say to make her feel better? She's heartbroken. --BFF
BFF, you’re a good friend and that’s obvious to see from your letter. There’s not much that you will say can diminish what she’s going through right now. Time is really all that will ease her pain. Here are three actions you can take, however, that will help:
Listen. There will be times when she’s angry, or sad, or even elated. This next phase is an emotional rollercoaster. The best thing you can do is just listen when she’s ready to talk. She doesn’t need your opinions right now. Just listen.
Keep her busy. Take her out to dinner, plan a girl’s getaway, go to the movies or do anything that gets her out of the house and occupied by something other than her thoughts.
No judgement. Your friend may go through a period a temporary crazy time. It’s to be expected during this difficult adjustment period. Don’t make judgement or share her personal secrets with anyone. Let her navigate the path organically.
Do you have a question for Angela? E-mail NakedTruth@bocamag.com!
About Angela Lutin:
Angela Lutin is Essentially Angela. Blogger, Advice Columnist and Dating Guru for the social media age—decoding modern love one tweet, text, and like at a time. Angela’s weekly dating advice column, The Naked Truth, appears exclusively in Boca Raton magazine. Her work appears regularly on the Huffington Post. She can been seen on MTV’s "Made" and Bravo’s hit show, "Millionaire Matchmaker." Crafting personal dating makeovers for her clients, Angela also maintains a private practice, which turns the romantically challenged into the relationship-inclined. Follow Angela on Facebook, facebook.com/EssentiallyAngela or Twitter, @essentiallyang.