One of my closest girlfriends recently broke up with her boyfriend of three years and seems to be struggling to hang out with her shacked up friends. We have a close-knit group, and almost all of us are in relationships. I see her plenty alone too, but I had a get together over the weekend and she refused to come because she didn’t want to be the only single person there. She wouldn’t have been. How do I get her to hang out with our group again? –Dawn
Dawn, I’ve been the single girl. In fact, I still am, so I understand what your girlfriend is going through. Being around all of her partnered friends serves as a reminder that she’s not part of a couple any longer. Just when she’d stopped obsessing over her ex is right about the time one of the girls will bring up an engagement or something amazing her boyfriend did.
Let your friend have space right now. She knows you are there for her, and she will come back to your group on her own. Everyone heals from a break up differently, and right now she needs time to process.
Angela, have you ever wanted your significant other to stay mum on a few topics around your family? How have you approached it? (Examples, talking about their past, talking about how they dropped out of school to be in a band, that one time they had a tongue ring, that their mom is psycho, etc.) –Mouse
Dear Mouse, honesty is the best policy when addressing any feelings with your significant other. But what should be looked at is why you want your partner to essentially “hide” who they are around your family.
We fall in love with the people we do for reasons that only matter to us, not everyone else. Let your partner be who they are, even if that means revealing they have a secret tattoo they got on a dare.
Censoring your partner comes across as shame of who they are. Don’t be ashamed of who you love.
I’ve read your words on how to keep your husband happy, but how do you keep a wife happy? –Husband-to-be
Dear Husband-to-be, men are simple. Take care of their basic needs and they stay happy. As complicated as we may seem, women are pretty simple too.
• Listen to her. We need to know our words are not falling on deaf ears. Even if you don’t agree, listen. If you are preoccupied, stop what you are doing and give us the time. Let us know we are being heard.
• Give Love. Saying “I love you” is easy; showing love is far more powerful. Open your heart and give her love.
• Unexpected Thoughtfulness. Taking us to dinner on a birthday or buying a gift for an anniversary is expected. But when you walk through the door carrying flowers “just because”, or wash the dishes when it’s our turn to do them, that’s when we know you care.
• Support. Her dreams, her goals, her passions…support her in them all. Everyone needs a cheering section. Be her #1 fan.
• Respect. Whether you are together or apart, always ask yourself if your actions are respectful to your partner. Relationships are based upon mutual respect. When you lose that, you lose the very foundation of a happy relationship.
Do you have a question for Angela? E-mail NakedTruth@bocamag.com!
About Angela Lutin
On her popular blog, www.essentiallyangela.com, divorced single mom Angela Lutin dispenses musings on life, raising a teen, navigating the single scene, and tips to stay sexy regardless of your age or relationship status. A social media addict, she recently launched her new weekly Twitter conversation @essentiallyang—aptly titled #sexychat—that answers dating, sex-related topics and anything in between. Angela’s “Naked Truth” dating advice column appears weekly on Bocamag.com and also exclusively in Boca Raton magazine. Follow Angela on Facebook, http://www.facebook.com/EssentiallyAngela or Twitter, https://twitter.com/essentiallyang.
