I have a major crush on my boss, who is single and my age. I know all the horror stories about workplace relationships, but I have a good feeling about us. What should I do? —Darlene
Darlene, did you know that one in five women have dated the boss at some point in their career? Not only was I part of that 20 percent, I actually married mine and worked successfully for him for 10 years. The feelings you are experiencing toward your boss are not uncommon. Many relationships start at work; actually 40 percent of us have tried it at some point. It makes sense, right? You spend more than 40 hours a week in close proximity with your co-workers. That’s quite a bit of time to get to know someone and develop the beginning stages of a romance.
Your situation is different, however, in that your crush is not on a peer. This is a man responsible for how your career develops. You didn’t mention if he has shown signs of interest. Are the feelings mutual? If so, before you share a happy hour cocktail together, sit down and discuss the worst-case scenarios if you develop a relationship (co-worker jealously, company policy) or if it goes terribly wrong (anger when one of you moves on, repercussions and job security). Can you live with them? You may decide it’s not worth it.
Looking at the potential fallout before a romance begins is not sexy, but neither is losing your job after you tell the boss, “Sorry, but that fur coat you call back hair and your obsession with REO Speedwagon is just impossible for me to take any longer. I’m out.” Oh, and lest I gave you the fantasy that dating the boss worked out for me, let me remind you, I am divorced!
My boyfriend of two years has gradually lost interest in me sexually. Sex is important to me; I’ve never been with someone who didn’t feel the same. Do you think he’s cheating on me? —Jeanne
Jeanne, your gut instinct is usually right. So, I have to turn the question back to you. Do you think your boyfriend is cheating? Odds are you already know the answer. Without fail, men think about three things daily: sex, work and food.
If your boyfriend is otherwise healthy and not having sex with you, it’s likely he is seeking it somewhere else. Or not. Either way, your relationship has a problem. You are entitled to an intimate connection with your partner. Sex and intimacy strengthen a relationship. This should be a priority for both of you.
But you can’t fix it if you don’t talk about it. It will be an extremely uncomfortable conversation. He probably will initially resist telling you what’s really going on that has changed his level of sexual desire. Assure him that honesty is the only way to the core of the issue. And whatever that honesty brings for your relationship, remember, life is way too short to live unfulfilled. Good luck.
I read your answer to the question [last week] about the guy who goes to Blue Martini and is too scared to make a move. C’mon, Angela. Why are you telling this wimp to send over love notes? Women like aggressive men. You know it, I know it. —Todd
Well, I’m going to respectfully disagree. Aggressiveness is a poor substitute for lack of confidence. Take the animal kingdom. A hippopotamus is an aggressive, ornery creature as opposed to the lion, which maintains a controlled confidence over his pride, only showing strength when necessary.
Todd, you want to be the lion, not the hippo, OK? Most women prefer a confident man: the alpha male. As I’ve stated before, physical appearance has little to do with my own attraction level to someone. The quietly self-assured male catches my attention every time. When you are the “true” alpha male, there is no need for aggression.
Aggressive behavior toward a woman puts our bodies into “fight or flight” mode. While you posture 3 inches from our face telling us how sexy we would look in your Lamborghini, our internal nervous system is scanning the situation to see if we should kick you in the shin or just run like hell. (If we kick you, we can blame evolution, right?)
Sending a drink over with a note is no wimp move, my friend. It shows confidence. That’s what I know.
About Angela Lutin
Angela Lutin has won the adoration and loyalty of her riders at Flywheel Sports in Boca, where she has emerged as the most sought-after indoor cycling instructor in South Florida. In her spare time, the divorced single mom has launched a popular dating blog—essentiallyangela.com—on which she dispenses musings on life, navigating the singles scene and much more. Angela will answer your dating questions every Thursday at bocamag.com on her “The Naked Truth” blog, which she is doing exclusively for Boca Ratonmagazine. “A chef is the expert on food, a stylist knows the right clothes,” she says. “And me? I’m the one you come to for questions about love, sex, and relationships. I’m certainly experimenting to find the right formula every day.”