Dear Angela: I’m a senior citizen with the mind and body of a middle-aged man. I work part-time to supplement Social Security (who doesn’t). I’m looking for the last love of my life—but not looking for support (nor would I accept it if offered). I am not on a fishing trip either, so a player I am not. I have five advanced degrees, I am a worldly traveler and published writer. It’s been said that I’m a great catch. Those who say that need to get a grip on reality. Being of modest means does not sit well with [many] women, who first look to see how fat your wallet is and accept the rest even if lackluster. So what scholarly advice do you have for me?—Lorenzo
Lorenzo, your predicament is one I hear from men repeatedly. In a “what have you done for me lately” society, it’s difficult to discern people’s motives, particularly on the dating scene. It is an innate female characteristic to desire security; we wouldn’t have gotten this far if we didn’t procreate with the strongest men in the tribe. In modern times, some women base this security strictly on finances. It is what it is, and neither you nor I would be successful in persuading them otherwise.
Fortunately that mentality is not shared by all.
So what’s a man like you, with great value in intellectual and worldly matters but of modest financial means to do? You change your attitude and start believing you ARE a great catch—for the right woman. I believe implicitly in the Law of Attraction. In order to bring a woman into your life that desires her last love, as you do, make yourself a magnet that will attract a woman of character and intellect. Forget about the rest. You don’t want to draw that kind to you anyway.
It’s not about going to the right bar, or a singles event, or even being set up by friends. Lorenzo, it is all about what you put out into the universe. It deserves repeating: You ARE a great catch. You just need to start believing that fact. When you do, she will show up in your life. I guarantee it. Good luck.
I just started dating this guy who is moving to NYC in a few weeks. We seem to be seriously hitting it off after only a month. Do you think I am wasting my time?—Frequent Flyer
Dear FF: Attempting to turn Summer Loving into a long-distance relationship is a bad idea. And it will fail … miserably. If you like this guy, your best option is to keep the door open by leaving things casual. Don’t make it a heavy, angst-filled relationship where you text him 50 times a day telling him how much you miss him. Let him go and do his thing in the big city and you do your thing here. If there is something there more than a fling, you both will circle back. Making it serious, particularly when you barely know each other, is a recipe for disaster. Have fun while he’s here and be in the moment.
Do you have a question for Angela? E-mail NakedTruth@bocamag.com!
About Angela Lutin:
Angela Lutin is Essentially Angela. Blogger, Advice Columnist and Dating Guru for the social media age—decoding modern love one tweet, text, and like at a time. Angela’s dating advice column, “The Naked Truth,” appears exclusively each week on bocamag.com and in each issue of Boca Ratonmagazine. Her work appears regularly on the Huffington Post. She can been seen on MTV’s “Made” and Bravo’s hit show, “Millionaire Matchmaker.” Crafting personal dating makeovers for her clients, Angela also maintains a private practice, which turns the romantically challenged into the relationship-inclined. Follow Angela on Facebook or Twitter.