It’s the most wonderful time of the year; at least that’s what the songs say. Buying gifts, seeing family, and eating good food all sound perfect at first … until you are agonizing over which relative you’ll gift socks to, dreading discussions of politics at dinner, or wondering if you cooked enough pumpkin pie.
While we look forward to the holidays, they can also be a source of stress. Boca magazine sought expert advice from Dr. Shara Goudreau, an EMDR-certified therapist and Lynn University assistant professor in the clinical mental health counseling program who specializes in adults with anxiety, trauma, complex trauma, and relationship challenges.
Recognition
First, it’s important to recognize that the holidays do put a strain on our mental health. “Stress is a normal human response to increased demands,” Goudreau says.
“The holidays tend to magnify what’s already present in our lives,” she continues. “So existing relationship challenges, financial concerns, grief, loneliness, anxiety—they often become more pronounced during a season that’s filled with heightened expectations and reflection.”
Finding coping strategies for said emotions can be even harder for that fact, as the weight of expectations instituted by social media and family can make seeking help seem unnecessary or even wrong to procure.
Old Stressors
Meeting with family can bring its own emotional complications, particularly when long-established familial roles resurface. “Many people notice that being around certain relatives can bring them right back to feeling like the teenager they once were,” says Goudreau.
Such experiences can provide a sense of comfort to some, but to others, more complicated feelings can surge. Unresolved childhood conflicts can become triggered, and sometimes there’s discourse around differing political or religious beliefs, boundary violations, and criticism in the guise of concern.
The main coping strategy for these situations is setting boundaries. Simple responses to difficult conversations can be, “I’d rather not discuss that today,” “we can agree to disagree,” or “I’m here to enjoy our time together.” Rehearsing these responses ahead of time with a person you trust can make them easier to access during stressful moments.
Another important strategy is protecting your downtime—knowing how long you’ll stay at a family event, splitting hosting responsibilities, and making sure you aren’t booked for events every day.
“Rest really creates the space for us to slow down, to reconnect with ourselves, and to approach the holiday season with greater intention rather than simply reacting to its demand,” explains Goudreau.
Loneliness
For many people, the holidays can usher a sense of loneliness. It can happen to seniors, professionals without leave, people new to an area, college students away from home, or relatives estranged from their families. While “solving” loneliness takes more than a change of mentality or finding the right community, Goudreau says, “The goal is to create meaningful connection, and that doesn’t have to involve a grand gesture.”
This can be a simple text, phone call, or invitation for coffee. It can also come through volunteering for a local charity, food bank, or community organization, as acts of service foster a sense of belonging and remind us that we all have something to contribute.
The True Holiday Spirit
Ultimately, the true dread of the holidays is the clash between expectations and reality, and it’s magnified by social media. Scrolling through TikTok or Instagram during this time may lead us to think every gift should be meaningful, or that we should feel happy regardless of our current mood. Goudreau notes that people typically share the highlights of their holidays, not the full picture.
“I think many people confuse generosity with financial sacrifice,” she says, regarding gifting. “Meaningful connection rarely depends on the price tag.”
Instead of seeking an idealized version of what the holidays should be, we should aim for what is achievable for us. The perfect gift maybe won’t exist, nor will the ideal family gathering. But they shouldn’t be a measure for happiness.
“The holidays don’t have to look a certain way to be meaningful. Sometimes the most important step is finding one small way to connect—with yourself, with another person, or with your community.”
This article is from the November 2026 issue of Boca magazine. For more like this, click here to subscribe to the magazine.
